Spiraling again

And I need a break

But I hate that feeling that I get when I’m absent from stuff

That left out feeling

Even though it was me that walked away

I just want people to come find me

Come find me 

I want to be high

To find that place inside me where all that real stuff is

That stuff that’s so difficult to find when I’m not outside myself

I always feel so detached from myself

And I hate it

How do people feel connected

How does the world seem real

I just want to get high 

And be high

And write and purge this feeling

This shit feeling

In a way that touches me

And touches you

And it’s so frustrating

I don’t want to be that kind of person

But I don’t want to care and I want to write so badly

So badly

I just want to scream it all onto paper and throw it out into the void and enjoy the satisfaction it brings

And I’m so tempted

So tempted