Continued.

Still no good at saying anything to anyone about it.
Can’t.
Don’t want to.
Don’t want anyone to see how weak I am.
Don’t show them.
All you can expect for it, is pain.
You learned this lesson.
So many times before.
It’s superficial.
No one really wants to know.
No one really wants to deal with it.
Mocking. What? You want to cry? You gonna cry?
No. I won’t.
Never.
Hit me.
Hurt me.
Break me.
I’ll lock it away.
Smile. Laugh. Joke.
Never show the pain.

...

I went. I told them about this. About how I am. How I've been. I did that. You made me. So I went and I did it. Now, you hound me to tell you how it went, and then you talk to me with disbelief in your voices of what I have to say. What the hell was the point then? Why do I even bother? I speak and you hear nothing of what I'm saying. What did I do? When was it that I became so distrustworthy that you can't believe me when the outcome only affects me? Yes, I do lie to you, but it's only so you all can be happy. So you don't worry.

I didn't want to go back. I don't want to talk. Don't make me think about what happens next. I don't want to remember. I want it to fade, to disappear. But here it is, running around in my head, tearing my mind to shreds, breaking me all over again